How I Learned To Deal With Conflict

For the past four months, I have been writing about experiences dealing with depression, colorism, and low esteem. However, I thought it would be a good idea in this month’s edition of SaturYourDay to write about my experiences on learning how to deal with conflict. It doesn’t matter if the conflict arises expectedly or unexpectedly, but it is how I deal with it.
First, I want to provide you with some history on how I used to deal with conflict or problems, especially when I was young. As a child and a teenager, I sometimes had a problem controlling my temper especially when at school. I would occasionally get into physical altercations with teenager girls who would either bully, tease, or harass me. I attended high school in the early 90’s in Philadelphia and at that time there was no such thing as a bullying policy in the school system. But there was an administrative policy about fighting on school grounds. For instance, there was a young lady named “Courtney” who didn’t like me because she “heard” that I had said something about her. She never confronted me or even tried to discuss what I had allegedly said about her. I just knew she didn’t like me. There were a handful of girls that didn’t like me and plus I was the captain of the Cheerleading Squad so I was pretty popular in high school. Also, my dad was the President of the Home School Association, which is like the PTA.
One day during Spanish Class, “Courtney” punched in the back of head and we begin to fight in class. A Philadelphia Police Officer was stationed inside of our school, and he ran up to the 4th floor and arrested us both and took us to jail. The officers put us both into the same jail ceil. I believe the school called my dad, who was there within 15 minutes. I think I sat in the cell for 10 minutes before being released to my parent.
I had to attend a disorderly conduct class which cost my parents maybe $90. I was the only minor in the class. All the others were adults. It was a half day class that ran from 9am to noon. I remember taking this class in June because my parents, my sister, and I were getting prepared to go on a family vacation in Virginia that day. I took the train from my house to the Center City (which is downtown Philadelphia) to go to a courthouse to take this disorderly conduct class. I learned at the age of 16 if someone hit me first and if I hit them back even in self-defense it is considered to be disorderly conduct. I had been taught if someone hits you, then you hit them back. I believe it was the school that charged me with disorderly conduct.
I was 16 years old at the time and so tired of Philadelphia. I had completed my Junior year and I had plans to go to college the following year, which I did accomplish. Needless to say, I learned very quickly how to control my anger because I didn’t want to end up like those adults in the disorderly persons class.
However, learning how to control my anger was very difficult for me especially when I have family members around me constantly antagonizing me such as my mom and sister. Nevertheless, as I entered my early 20’s, I really started to work on how to control my temper. It is empowering to say that I no longer have an anger problem. It is a blessing to be able to say that. This is called growth and maturity. I like the fact even if I am around some people who can be intrusive and antagonizing, what they do or say no longer has the same effect on me. Like the song goes by Mariah Carey, “I gotta shake it off!”
The purpose of sharing my experience is so that you will know that I am not perfect and that I’m constantly trying to become a better person. I am very aware of who I am and that I have undergone my fair share of emotional abuse and trauma from family, friends, peers, and colleagues. However, I believe in a higher power, and as it says in the bible “The Battle is not Mines, but the Lord.” As a believer, God expects more from me than from others. I can’t be accountable for anyone but myself. Maybe this is the reason why God still has me working as a Psychiatric Screener for almost 15 years. God has me here to be example to others.
In addition, I am very fortunate and blessed to have experienced having a very loving father who was filled with so much wisdom and helped me prepare for life and real world situations. He would always tell me, “When inside of house you are majority and when you step foot outside of the house you are the minority. You have to behave in a certain manner when you are in public. If you act like a ‘Park Ape’, then there are laws that will govern the way you misbehave in public setting.” He couldn’t be more than right.
As an adult, I fully understand the lessons that my father taught me about life and I have implemented these tools into my lifestyle, hoping to pass it down to generations to come.
When you someone becomes confrontational with you whether it is expected or unexpected how are you are going to react? Just some food for thought …
Make sure you join me on July 20th at 11am ET for the next edition of SaturYourDay, have a good weekend, take care of yourself, and God Bless.

About SATUR-Your-Day
SATUR-Your-Day is an interactive blog where I invite readers to engage and go in-depth with me as I become transparent about personal and professional obstacles that have had both negative and positive impacts on my life. I want you to learn that we are all experiencing trials and tribulations in life and that no one is exempt from these life hurdles. As long as you have breath in your body, you are going to go through “the storm” of life. I sincerely hope that you will find lessons from the SATUR-Your-Day Blog, and discover that we can all learn and grow from each other’s experiences, which ultimately make us better people for our families, friends, colleagues, community, and the world. I feel your pain and know that you need time for you to just be you and that is the purpose for SATUR-Your-DAY.