I Didn’t Think My 30’s Would End Like This?

By Ayasha Roberson

By the time I reached my 30th birthday, I had just started my spiritual journey. I had already earned my bachelor’s degree but had withdrawn from the Master of Social Work program at Kutztown University. I had decided even though I work in the mental health field, I did not want to become a social worker. I really want to go to law school, but I didn’t think I was smart enough to go. I ended up praying asking God to give me direction in obtaining another degree.
I had worked the last eight years of my life in the mental health field and I didn’t want to stay in the field because there is no opportunity to grow and the pay isn’t good. Most of my coworkers in this field worked two or three jobs just to make ends meet. I knew I didn’t want to work like this for the rest of my life.
I have always been a very creative person when it comes to the arts and I liked the idea of running my own business. I had a gotten taste of creating two of my own non-profit organizations when I was in my 20’s. I decided to create a business called Urban SociaLites, known as USL. It is a multi-media business that provides a platform for artists to have their music playing on our station. Viewers can also read organic content and watch original videos. In addition, we provide marketing services such as video production, image consulting, website and logo design, content creation and more.
We were featured in NJ 2011 and also won the Media of Year Award in 2016. My business has had its ups and downs, but we are still standing by the grace of God.
Around that same time, I had I enrolled in the Master of Administrative Science program at Fairleigh Dickinson University where I earned my master’s degree in 2012.
However, my 30’s were also a rough time for me as I had to undergo a lot of financial hardships and family problems. My 30’s were not a fairytale. No, I didn’t meet the man of my dream, I didn’t get married, or start a family. It was actually the opposite in my personal life; I went through pure Hell. I experienced deceit from family, from people who I thought I knew, but didn’t really know. People took advantage of me, but still I tried to be a positive person. I started to distance myself from family and even friends.
Moreover, this was the first time I experienced going without food to eat, and had difficulties paying rent, and had my electricity cut off. Now I am someone not just one, but two college degrees, and had to endure the kind of financial hardship that you think only people with people with children go through. I got through this and it was rough. At the time, I told my parents about my financial situation, but they did very little to help me. In addition, my dad passed away in 2014.
However, I never lost my faith in God and continued to read my bible, fast, and pray. I went through a lot of lonely times and only experienced brief and temporary friendships. I know people that say they’ve had 10, 20, or even 30 years friendships. I have never experienced this and I pray that God one day will allow me to have that type of friendship.
Still, God opened my heart to connect with someone spiritually. Two years ago, I met a man as we both worked as instructors for the YMCA in Jersey City. He was the Yoga Instructor and I was the Dance Instructor. I felt a connection with this him and soon we began to exclusively date. I started dating him when I was 37 years old and actually broke my celibacy vow. However, I did notice he had some emotional baggage and I mentioned to him once or twice that he needed to go to counseling. He didn’t agree. As time moved on, I felt distance between us. Eventually, I had a dream about our relationship and that he wanted to get back together with his ex, and I was completely fine about it. But recently, four days after my 40th birthday, our two-year relationship came to an end.
I am still going through the hurt and pain of the loss this relationship because the break-up is still fresh, but overall, I am fine. I will overcome this major loss as I continue to share my story with you. This is healing my heart, mind, and spirit. The interesting thing is that I don’t know what is next for my life. As I wonder what God has in store for me, the journey still continues…

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About SATUR-Your-Day
SATUR-Your-Day is an interactive blog where I invite readers to engage and go in-depth with me as I become transparent about personal and professional obstacles that have had both negative and positive impacts on my life. I want you to learn that we are all experiencing trials and tribulations in life and that no one is exempt from these life hurdles. As long as you have breath in your body, you are going to go through “the storm” of life. I sincerely hope that you will find lessons from the SATUR-Your-Day Blog, and discover that we can all learn and grow from each other’s experiences, which ultimately make us better people for our families, friends, colleagues, community, and the world. I feel your pain and know that you need time for you to just be you and that is the purpose for SATUR-Your-DAY.