By Hu Dalconzo

I thank you, God, that I’ve finally arrived at a point in time where I’ve ripened enough to know how to pick the fruit of my life experiences. My old neurotic fears have begun to bore me, as has my fear-based, false IDENTIFICATION with my Self as the “acts” and “dramas” that my ego creates, within which I can still, at times, lose my Self.

I’ve especially had enough of my projectional transference “act” where my ego projects my emotional dependency needs onto my family, friends, and co-workers. I childishly try to make them responsible for meeting my needs and when they fail, which they must, I then have my “ex cusa” (not a cause) as to why it’s okay to withdraw from isolate, and blame them for my uncomfortable feelings. My ego fills me with as many “rational lives” as I need to defend my position, justify my failures, and blame my pain on someone else.

I’ve spent most of my life using my over-productive mentally (my think-think-ness) to create an emotional “bullet-proof vest” to protect me by “blocking” and/or “transmuting” my painful feelings, and my “so-called” enemies wrong. My Ego-Mind wants to keep me safe, sane, and secure but in actuality it intensifies my anxiety with paranoia-filled fantasies, which only make me feel more frightened, hurt, and scared.

My ego falsely “thinks” that the only way I can feel safe is to isolate myself it “thinks” if it alters my uncomfortable intuitive feelings and converts them to food, sex, or drugs, that it’s helping me…when it’s actually just delaying the inevitable. My ego tries to deny, repress, minimize, or dissociate me from my Truth. It whispers “half-truths” in my ear in an attempt to protect me, when in actuality it’s the Truth of my SELF that is my ultimate salvation… It’s a such a strange, paradoxical game that the Ego-Mind plays!

After many years of prayer and meditation, which have trained my mind to obey my Self, I realize that I’m safe as long I stay conscious to the fact that everyone is…God in drag! We are all part of the Namaste Consciousness, and therefore I’m safe because how can I hurt my Self or fear my Self when we are all ONE? As long as I stay conscious to and lighthearted about my One-ness, with a calming sense of humor about my own and other people’s fear identities…I feel safe!

It’s my ability to distinguish my ego from my Spirit that allows me to feel safe enough to enjoy deep emotional intimacy, which is the “gift” of the Self as it tries to reunite its Self with its Self. I’ve experienced the “gift” that spiritually intimate relationships create and in my opinion they are….the closest thing to heaven that you can experience on earth!

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About The Author


Ayasha Roberson started Urban SociaLites, LLC in June of 2010, she holds a bachelor degree in Sociology from Richard Stockton College and Masters Degree in Administrative Science from Fairleigh Dickinson University.

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